Happy Tubesday
by Avril D.C
Summary: Cain surprises Abel for their birthday! But you can't call it a birthday... there was no birth... so that makes it Tubesday! Abel and Esther are not amused.


Abel and Esther sat down to lunch in an empty common room. Just as Abel was about to take his first mouthful of stew, a loud shriek echoed from down the hall. Esther startled as well, and both looked to the door as another voice echoed.

"Oh Abbbeeeelllllll!" Carried the voice in a taunting tone.

"Who in the—?" Abel muttered.

Suddenly, a blonde haired head poked around the frame of the door. The person grinned and then giggled, bringing the rest of his body through the door. He wore all white, a three piece suit to be exact.

"Oh no, not this guy again…" sighed Esther.

"Cain, what are you doing here?" Abel growled, rising from his chair.

"Oh brother, where art thou manners?" Cain smiled as he danced across the room.

"Back on the ark you destroyed…" Abel muttered under his breath.

"So, what are you doing here?" Esther dared to speak up, nearly stepping between the two.

"Oh!" Cain said, raising his hand, "…I forgot."

"Are you serious—" Abel started.

"I remembered!" Cain yelled with glee. "Dear brother, do you know what today is?" Cain managed to slither across the room to wrap his arms around Abel's shoulders.

"Tuesday?" Abel asked, trying to pry Cain's hands from him.

"Well… yes. But! What else?" Cain clung tighter, rubbing his cheek against Abel's.

"I don't know, what else?" Abel struggled even more to break free, fearing a lick or kiss would be next if he didn't escape from Cain's grasp soon.

"I forgot." Cain's arms dropped and Abel quickly stepped away.

"Oh Lord," Esther sighed.

"Wait! Got it! Today is our birthday!" Cain spun around in circles with his arms extended, twirling around the table and back.

"Our?" Esther cocked her head.

"He never told you? We're twins!" Cain beamed from ear to ear. "Neen!(smile noise)"

Esther shot a frightened look at Abel, "What? R-really?"

"Yes… unfortunately." Abel wanted to say no so badly.

"Come to think of it Father, how old are you?" Esther pondered how long she'd known him, and for the past two years they had yet to celebrate anyone's birthday.

"Aha-ine-ghundred-ahine-dee-gheight!"Abel coughed violently, trying to give out only parts of his answer.

"What did you say?" Esther's eyes were wide in confusion.

"Hmm, let's see!" Cain put a finger to his chin. "If the apocalypse was in… and this is the year… that makes us nine hundred and ninety nine! Hey, one more year to go for the world record!"

"That's nine hundred and ninety eight, you jackass." Abel smacked his forehead, he'd given himself away. "Shit."

Esther could not even find a thought in her head, let alone any words, and sunk back into her chair staring at the table. Abel went and knelt next to her, holding her hand to break her out of shock and apologize.

"You didn't tell her that either?" Cain laughed. "Well, who cares… right Alice?"

"Esther." Abel corrected.

"That's what I said!" Cain retorted. "Anyways, I guess you can't really call it a birthday…"

"Why not?" Abel stood and put his hand to his hip, giving back some of the childish attitude Cain kept throwing at him.

"Because there wasn't a birth. So… what does that make it?"

"Test tube… day?" Abel raised an eyebrow.

"Tube'sday!" Cain danced around the room. "Hey that kinda sounds like Tuesday… we're celebrating Tube'sday on Tuesday!"

Abel smacked his forehead again, this time in shame and disbelief.

"Hey! You know what else Tube'sday sounds like? Tulips! Tulips on Tube'sday on Tuesday! Hee hee!"

"What's wrong with that guy?" Esther whispered, finally coming back into reality.

"Then tulips, they remind me of… of…" Cain looked around the room, "Cast-iron cookware!"

"How does that remind you of…" Abel shook his head, "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"Lord Cain?" Echoed a deeper voice from the halls.

"Ahh! Issak is here with the cake!" Cain dashed off to greet him at the door.

"How did you get in here?" Abel stepped to follow his brother. Surely there must be someone else around to have noticed the strange new presence.

"Neen!(smile noise)" Cain flashed his visitor's sticker to the Vatican Museum, then waved down the hallway. "Here Issak!"

"Figures." Abel sighed.

"At least they paid admission." Esther tried to comfort Abel.

"Oh dear Brother I'm so glad that we're able to—Hey!" Cain dashed back across the room to Abel's side. "Did you ever notice how often your name comes up in everyday conversation? Abel to this… Abel-bodied, Abel-minded! Unfavor-Abel!" Cain went on.

"You're unfavorable… and I try not to notice." said Abel, crossing his arms.

"How do you come up with these random things! Cast-iron cookware?" Esther interjected, halting Cain's rant.

"Oh Alice, I'm quite mad you see! You may call me the Mad Hatter!" Cain sat at the head of a large table.

"I already told you, my name is—"

"Alice, come, sit! We shall have tea!" Cain poured fresh tea into their cups and then some for himself and a cup for Issak. "Oh but I suppose Abel needs a role too… well he can be the March Hare!"

Abel said nothing, but threw a teacup at Cain's head. At that moment, Issak accelerated to Cain's side and caught the teacup and placed it back on the table.

"The cake, my Lord." Issak presented a two-layered cake, heavily frosted, before Cain and Abel.

"Yay! Cake!" Cain giggled.

"I don't want any," Abel grumbled, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Oh but Abel, Issak made it special!"

"Yeah, with arsenic…" Abel growled, and then snickered to himself.

"Father!" Esther scolded.

"I'm sorry Esther, but you don't know Cain like I do." Abel took Esther's hand, his mouth still open as Cain interrupted once more.

"It's a black forest cake, with layers of cherry compote and whipped vanilla icing all topped with freshly shaved white and dark chocolate!"

Abel glanced at the cake, and then found that he could not stop looking at it.

Issak handed Cain an oversized knife to cut the cake with.

"Oooh! Shiny!" Cain beamed, stroking the sharp edge, then placed it just above the cake – ready to strike.

"Nooooooo!" Abel quite literally dove across the table to shift the cake from Cain's torturous weapon.

"I just knew you couldn't resist it Abel!" Cain held out the knife to him, a devilish grin on his face.

"Would you like a big piece or a small piece Esther?" Abel smiled over at her.

"Just a small one, it looks so rich I don't want to get a tummy ache," Esther smiled back, handing him her plate.

"Alrighty," Abel gently and ever-so-precisely cut into the cake, extracting a slim wedge for Esther. He cut a decent-sized piece for Cain and Issak, and then picked up his fork, aiming at the remaining half for himself.

"Dish trurhy ish wongerfuw!" Cain swallowed. "I sure wish Lilith were here too!"

Abel nearly choked on his large forkful of frosting and cherries, a tear reaching his eye.

"Aw, too soon?" Cain leaned over the table towards Abel, grinning.

**+ TO BE CONTINUED +**


End file.
